Little Bit of Truth
by JinxWing
Summary: A look into the world of Lady Edith Crawley...explores her feelings towards her family and her life upon hearing the news of Patrick's death.


_The name for this comes from a song I love:_

_I just lost control_

_I just wanted you to know_

_When I'm on my own_

_I feel invisible_

_**Little Bit of Truth**_

This is a one shot, although if you guys like it I may keep going. It's set at the very beginning of series one in 1912, just before Edith is told about Patrick's death. Basically, it will deal with Edith's feelings about everything that is happening at Downton. Edith always seems a very downtrodden character who is never fully explored. Please take some time to review as this is the first time I have written anything about Edith although I do have a Sybil/Branson Fanfic that I'm also currently writing. Here goes!

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><p>Lady Edith Crawley sat at her dressing table, staring pensively into the mirror. If it had been her elder sister Mary, the look would have been full of self-admiration but Edith was no fool. She was under no illusions about herself and clearly recognised that she was the least important link in her family. Edith would never have the classical beauty of Mary or the engaging fascination of her youngest sister Sybil. Men admired Mary and passed time with Sybil – somehow they always forgot about Edith. She just faded into the background; about as interesting as the curtains she used to hide behind. Oh how easy it was to be jealous and biting when confronted with the barely disguised disappointed she was to her parents. Sometimes Edith felt that in another life time she could have been charming and kind – if only someone would love her. Not the love of duty that her parents felt but a real love, an all consuming love that could never tire, could never be broken. A love that would withstand any trial, any tribulation, any argument or petty fight, a love that would never give up. Then, she thought of Patrick. If only she could forget about him; if only she wasn't constantly confronted with him and Mary playing happy families. And people wondered why she despised her sister? Mary didn't love Patrick; in fact Edith wondered if Mary was capable of love – she wouldn't be surprised if Mary were to throw him over as soon as someone better came along.<p>

Patting down her hair and smoothing down any creases in her dress Edith noticed something else. It was not simply her family to whom she was insignificant but also the staff. Anna, Gwen and O'Brien were perfectly cordial towards her; but Anna was fiercely loyal to Mary, Gwen seemed to share a bond with Sybil that Edith couldn't explain and as for O'Brien, she simply adored mama. Throwing one last glance of despair in the mirror and completely giving up on even attempting a genuine smile Edith went down for breakfast.

"Oh Mary dear are you quite alright?" Oh how typical of mama, only worried in case darling Mary was upset about Patrick. Upset? Mary couldn't even muster one single tear for her dead fiancé yet not one single person had noticed that Edith had spent the morning crying in her room. Not that Edith would correct them; for once she didn't even care about attention. Patrick was gone! He was never coming back, he would never again smile, never laugh, never look at her with those deep green eyes. "Please excuse me," she managed to choke out, the tears coming thick and fast. "Yes of course dear." Cora mumbled, not really paying attention, "now Mary are you quite sure we can't do anything for you?" Wasn't it just this morning she had wished Patrick was gone from her life? Yet now she would happily watch him and Mary together as long as he was safe. He didn't even have to love her; he just had to be there. A small part of her had always wondered if perhaps Patrick did feel something else for her. She knew that from the moment they were born Mary and Patrick had been flung at each other, but maybe Patrick didn't want to be flung at Mary. Yet, looking at her, then looking at Mary it would take a blind fool to even consider that any man would prefer Edith to Mary.

At that minute Edith despised the world and everyone in it. She despised Thomas Andrews for designing the ship which took Patrick away, she despised Captain Smith for captaining the sunken ship and she despised anyone who had the luck to be rescued while Patrick drowned in the icy waters. Edith didn't even know James and Patrick were on the Titanic, but it transpired that not even papa had known. If they had, maybe they could have prepared themselves – she could have said goodbye. As it was Edith was left with the last memory she had of Patrick.

_It was just over a month a go and Patrick and James had been to Downton Abbey for dinner. Edith was sulking because Mary had been rubbing her engagement ring in Edith's face and discussing wedding plans with Patrick. Edith had excused herself early and went to sit in the library alone. "Edith? Is that you?" Patrick had left Mary and come to find Edith. "Father and I are leaving. I wanted to say goodbye to you." Patrick was smiling at her but Edith just couldn't shake the depression, "goodbye Patrick," Edith replied coldly. Giving him a swift kiss on the cheek she left him standing there alone. What she wouldn't give to change that memory. Their last memory._

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><p><em>Thanks for reading, I really appreciate any reviewsalerts/favourites. I hope you all liked this insight into the world of Lady Edith Crawley!_


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